i'm new to THATSFORSURE.
maybe you don't know my name but you've seen me around?
maybe we met at "da beach" this summer but we don't remember each others names? or maybe we've never met at all but you've just seen all the ridiculous, embarrassing pictures of me that have been put up on this very website for the last year or so. i'm not the derelict you may have imagined i am.
i guess it doesn't matter.
you're probably a friend or at least, we probably sort of know each other and now you can read what i write.
HEY.
i'm going to be here doing some international reporting for TFS.net. bringing the objective (mostly), journalistic reality for everybody in america to get learned up on what's happening between the baltic sea and the russian border. also some art criticism and suggestions. maybe i'll start an advice column? if you need advice e-mail me and i'll do my best to help you but don't turn this into some kind of suicide hotline website where you bring me legitimate problems. i got enough of my own. i also can't guarantee your anonymity either.
i just moved to FINLAND. and this new and hopefully not too offensively titled internet (nternets?) space where I run my mouth and get to do whatever. don't take it seriously.
SO,
HERE GOES
NOTHING LIKE A CROSS COUNTRY TRIP BY TRAIN, ALREADY HAVING A COLD, AND A LITTLE OASIS "WHAT'S THE STORY MORNING GLORY?" TO GET YOU ALL SENTIMENTAL.
don't get me wrong, i'm pretty floored to be in a foreign country with nothing to do or be but broke, taking pictures, and embarrassing myself as the goofy, confused, first-time out of the country american.
but seriously? didn't I just leave LA FOR SF?
and then a bunch of trips in between?
and then SF for NC?
and then a couple trips in between? red bluff, california anybody? we made it out alive and we're still all friends.
and a little reno adventure with the creepy bartender?
and then SF for LA? and the other trip to reno and a trip to las vegas?
and now????
LA FOR EU???????
since i've got plenty of time let me tell you about my trip to finland and also allow me to over-generalize about a country i've been for just a couple weeks:
1. the food is really bad (sorry dudes. ITS PRETTY HARD TO FUCK UP FALAFELS AND NACHOS though. especially for what you unfairly charged me). is this what it's like when chinese people come to america and they end up at panda express?
2. i'm not that funny in finland. i've been laughed at a couple times, that's alright. once I went into a womens bathroom on accident and tried to apologize profusely but in english and later on i tried to make a rape joke that wasn't really well-received by most of the working professionals (including the curator) who wrote the very recommendation that allowed me to move here.
better luck next time?
3. the landscape is incredible.
4. the beer is good though all the major brands all taste the same
5. the food is REALLY expensive and there is no mcdonalds dollar menu here.
6. the language is really difficult. it also doesn't help that they speak really quickly and my slurred california speak basically leaves me handicapped here. my intelligence isn't complimented either by the fact that they all speak english (and some, swedish) really well and that the american public educational system failed to get me passed even infant-level espagnol.
also, it's about as easy getting kicked out of a bar here as it is in the US.
(BIG UP TO MY NEW ENGLISH SKATEBOARD BROSEPH TERENCE if you're out there somewhere in this world, thanks for all the tequila and congratulations on your baby. i'm sorry I disappeared, I went to MCDONALDS where I still paid too much money for food)
made a few pictures already (my real ones, not my "hey you're my friend and we're at a party" or "hey you're my friend and we're at a beach house with too many people in the outerbanks abusing our bodies, burning bridges, and almost getting arrested" kind. those actually WILL be put up shortly). when the "real ones" are ready ill put a couple out into the universe. maybe somewhere legit like a publication or exhibition if I'm lucky. for now you can just check out the following things i probably WILL put up here: awkward syntax. music shit. embarrassing, incriminating photographs of case simmons who has consistently done the same thing to me. bad ideas I'll end up taking down after a week when I realize they're really bad and hope no one saw them. links to stuff I'm into. sentimental notes about how i'm alone and there's no sunshine (expect these late nov. to early dec. when I do literally get no sunshine in the arctic circle). ALSO, maybe some works on paper and some collages.
and if anyone does checkout THATSFORSURE and you know me and everything THEN THANKS FOR THE GOOD TIMES SF
AND THANKS LA FOR THE SURPRISE PARTY (RAMZI WHO PUT THE SHIT TOGETHER OVER THE SUMMER FROM BEIRUT?? ALSO CALVIN AND MICHELLE who came from SF and PAUL who rolled into town early from NASHVILLE??? INSANE. PLUS A BILLION OTHER GOOD PEOPLE. YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE NOT LEAVING ANYMORE BUT I DID ANYWAYS). THANKYOU FOR THE RIDICULOUS SURPRISE PARTY AND ALSO THANKYOU FOR ALL PRETENDING THAT YOU WERE TOO BUSY TO SEE ME AND THEN WERE AT THE SURPRISE PARTY LAUGHING AT ME BECAUSE A) YOU ALL LIKE FUCKING WITH ME AND B) YOU KNOW IM A SENSITIVE ASSHOLE AND THAT I WAS PROBABLY CRYING ON THE INSIDE ABOUT NOT SEEING YOU. WELL, I WAS. GOOD ONE. MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE ON THE OUTSIDE AS I WOKE UP THAT VERY MORNING.
NOT REALLY, THOUGH. THANKS ASSHOLES.
seriously though LOVE YOU HOMIES.
P.S. if there's anything I can do to get you, the reader of this text, to send me a jar of skippy extra crunchy (the one from cost co. preferably), tapatio, or one bottle of the following drinks:
BASIL HAYDENS
KNOB CREEK
BULLEIT
or even
ANCIENT AGE (its going to be a long winter)
then get in touch with me. i can trade artworks and good vibes but unfortunately the insurmountable credit card debt i may have to incur in an attempt to "be a photographer" or "artist" means I can't buy these things for myself right now.
they either cost too much or they're not available.
be a friend if you're not already.
+00 358 449649004