WELL, ITS 2009. AS YOU WILL SEE, A LOT OF PEOPLE THREW UP THIS YEAR AND IT FROZE ALL OVER THE CITY OF HELSINKI. so,
IVE BEEN OFF TFS FOR A WHILE, GETTING MY MIND RIGHT, LIVING THE DREAM
THE REALLY WET,
COLD,
"WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE",
"WHAT DAY IS IT TODAY?",
"IS IT TOO EARLY FOR A DRINK",
"WHAT IS ART",
"I HAD A DREAM" DREAM
also, i started writing a movie about a kid and a UFO cult that will be out in 15 years.
FROM THANKSGIVING:
AND THEN THERE WAS CHRISTMAS:
if you thought i just sat around listening to "everybody hurts" on repeat and quietly whimpering in the dark you would be sorely mistaken.
i listened to "long december".
I ATE CHRISTMAS QUESADILLAS. YOU TRY CUTTING TORTILLAS INTO THE SHAPE OF A CHRISTMAS TREE WHILE YOURE SOBBING
just kidding
kind of
yeah
im just kidding
AND THIS ONE IS FROM NEW YEARS:
now i am back in the south of finland again thanks to human generosity and i got access to a car again which has provided some fun firsts like "the first time i was driving in snow and hit a patch of ice, drifted quietly towards a ditch right as the car finally stops and i don't die afterall" and "the first (and probably last) white christmas i'll ever have". the good part, is it looked pretty fucking picturesque but the bummer is that i watched it alone on a couch wearing pizza-stained sweatpants that should have been washed a month ago and thinkin bout all the cool family shit my family was doing back home without me
the bonus to all this isolation is that i caught up on a bunch of movies i never saw in theaters like THERE WILL BE BLOOD and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN which is actually called "MENETETTY MAA" in finnish and which consequently took 500 hours to find in the video store. i also finally saw anton corbijns "CONTROL" which is one of the most visually beautiful movies i've ever seen. honestly, i wouldnt recommend watching these movies on christmas day (two of them are not uplifing to say the least, the other one ends in suicide) but theyre all equally incredible. also been watching this tv show thats always on here in which mulder from the x-files is fucking with a 16 year old and is an alcoholic writer. also i watch the same jessica simpson PRO-ACTIV commercial that plays without fail at 3 AM most days.
so i finally got access to a scanner, i think it was my christmas miracle. thankyou to my metalhead homie VESA. ive been scanning some of the work i've been making here and making notes, doing research, reading LIZ WELLS "a photography reader" again so i can impress the 9 people in this entire world who care about photography with my knowledge of the redundant discussions about "photography" and "truth" that somehow infiltrate and make up a really too-large portion of every critical text on the medium and which also result in everyone that isnt a photojournalist having to explain their fetishization of reality and having to justify it somehow.
basically what i'm saying is instead of scrutinizing my past indiscretions and questioning the nature and relevance of everything and everyone in my life, i scrutinize my new pictures on a 15" screen and question the nature and relevance of THEM. QUARTER LIFE CRISIS AVERTED. realizations made. conclusions come to. the things you learn about yourself and everything else when you quit over drinking and start over thinking
i'm past the halfway point, that means that in less than 5 months i will be back in california, eating a panda express 2 item combo at a beach covered in gold nuggets and people that used to be on mtv's "the hills". i can finally get back to the gym and get my six pack back. i can go on youtube and all the videos won't say "this video isn't available in your country", i can go to bars where strangers socialize and i can go to shitholes with jukeboxes where the beers are 3 dollars and art will be good and i can have a million awkward run-ins with various people i kind of, sort of know. then GOD and FINANCES WILLING, DA BEACH 2009. AND JOB-HUNT 2009.
maybe even "I THINK I'M READY TO APPLY FOR GRAD SCHOOLS, 2009 nope nevermind" or "I'M MOVING TO TENNESSEE 2009".
WHO FUCKIN KNOWS.
until that time, i'm trying to live in the present though it ain't easy. i'm still hanging out. i went to the dark side following thanksgiving, then i made some adjustments to my world and there was solstice which meant the return of some sunlight and happier times and the world was good again. my vitamin d deficiency turned into optimism and all the bad vibes turned into bluebirds and the icicles all turned into rainbows. thanks homies for the wisdom, the song that was written about me, depressing additions to my music library, feedback on my new works, good vibes, friendly phone calls, etc. appreciate it.
without friends youre dead, and if youre not, then you want to be. right?
in the meantime i'm dreaming of sunshine and iced coffee, local places, neighborhoods, pizza with sauce on it, sunset junction, the word "please", getting into places i don't belong, the phrase "hows it going?", small talk in general, no more pug eyes, bridge building, bridge burning, my oldest homies, my older homies, my old homies, reno and las vegas in close proximity, PEARBLOSSOM HIGHWAY, SEINFELD re-runs, my teeth not chattering
AND
having more stuff to do then write really long "blogs" (that reveal more about my mentals then anybody cared or needed to know) because instead of trying to relay what is happening in my life in the tundra to everybody back home, i'll hopefully just be hanging the fuck out with yall in the high deserts, downtown dungeons, and misty cities of california having
realTALK
in
realTIME.
UNTIL THEN,
i dont know, im really trying
i got a lot on my mind
my future:
????????????????????????paris???
????????????LDN?
?????russia???
?????
???
??
?
hoping so
ill keep posting the barf of my brains
KEEP IT TRILL
POUR ONE OUT
in memoriam: the OLD MARK MC NOG 04/10/84-12/31/08
TO THE FUTURE
where i'm hopefully not financially destitute or working at subway as a "sandwich artist"
